Thursday, January 7, 2010

im sorry

I dont know how im supposed to act anymore. I am sad your gone, but i feel like its for selfish reasons. im sad you are no longer my go-to person for cooking, my car, anything about animals or the outdoors. im sad that you wont get to see your kids be successful in life. Im sad that you wont get to walk me down the aisle, or dance with me at my wedding. im sad that my kids will not know their grandfather. i am sad that my mom has to do so much now.

i am not sad because i think you are happy up there.

Im sorry, Im sorry that i didnt spend more time with you. Im sorry you lived by yourself. im sorry you were always tired and getting sick. Im sorry you had to be cut open,but your tissues will be saving lives.

i get sad sometimes,being around alot of people all of a sudden scares me. i dont like to talk as much and i get frustrated with things that used to unphase me. im hoping this is just how i am dealing with this, that its not a permanent thing. I dont want to scare off the people closest to me, but at the same time i appreciate being alone more too.

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