i feel like i have a giant balance on my back and cant seem to get both sides to be even.

work, school, friends, boyfriend, family STOP pulling me in different directions.

I am constantly tired, and cant seem to focus on anything, i have so much to do but do not want to do any of it. my room is in a constant state of messyness and i feel like my friendships are falling apart. my mom wants me to come home, I want to stay locked in my room. work wants me to start a new project.I have to coach myself to get out of bed. maybe i just need to have some fun, you know forget about all the things that are bothering me. you were the best at that, counting my ribs or going spotlighting always letting me take a break from reality. I am going to visit you soon, and i can not wait. maybe it will help get me back on track, maybe i can finally be at piece. one day, one day.

I feel like no one takes in to conceration that this could still be affecting me. like sara is just being anoying or clingy or abrasive. I am sorry, It is hard to control, i try and catch myself sometimes i want to be alone, othertimes i get scared to be alone.